Adventures at the Doctor's Office

I had a follow-up with Dr. SF (silver fox) this afternoon... and this is how it went:

1) Had a 4 pm appointment, didn't actually get called in until 4:45 pm... AFTER the receptionist had closed her station and put the steel window cover up.
2) Nurse Harry started fiddling with the computer when asking me about my last menstrual cycle.
3) Dr. SF comes in looking more dapper than usual and starts checking me out (medically and literally). Tells me that everything looks good... except that there are some "bats in my cave" [boogers in my nose] and that I have a very angry Virginia nose. Prescribes me with allergy medicine.
4) Box suddently pops up on the computer screen saying that I'm due for a HIV test.
5) Start freaking out.
6) Tells me I should do it.
7) Freak out some more... even though I shouldn't be worried.
8) Tells me we should move into his office to discuss some other medications that I requested.
9) Closes his office door.
10) Mild flirting starts. He asks how old I am... even thought my computer records are up that visibly says "27 year old female" on the screen (even I can see it).
11) Jokes with me that he is old enough to be my father. And then looks up and stares.
12) Prescribes me with the medication that I requested even though he "could get fired b/c he's not supposed to prescribe it to anyone."
13) I thank him and say something witty about the on-going superiority wars between doctors and pharmacists.
14) Gives me a sticker of Crush from Finding Nemo. [Yes, I am 27, but I still got excited]
15) I tell him that as much as I like Crush, I enjoyed Squirt more.
16) He looks at me and smiles... then hands me another sticker.. this time, of Squirt.
17) I laugh at the sticker. Again, yes, I'm 27.
18) Dr. SF says "Now, if you don't like this one, then I don't know you as well as I think I know you" and hands me a 3rd sticker of Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow.
19) I start drooling.
20) I go downstairs to wait for my prescriptions.
21) Random older lady with a femullet, who should be wearing a bra but isn't, starts talking to me about her bowel problems and how her doctor, who she finds very attractive but is married, will not give her the medication that she wants because it is too expensive.
22) I tell the crazy lady that she should switch to my doctor because he gave me the medication that I wanted.
23) Asks me who my doctor is.... when I tell her it's Dr. SF, she tells me that he's her doctor too.
24) Starts telling me about her same bowel problems again as if she's telling a different person.
25) I still act interested because, let's face it, she's the type of person who will pull out a shank on someone.
26) Her prescription is called. She leaves.
27) Small hispanic boy comes over san t-shirt and starts smiling at me and waving.
28) He's too cute not to wave back. So I do. Mother comes and takes him... looking at me like I'm crazy. Lady... your child is shirtless in the middle of winter. There's ice on the ground. And you are wearing sandals with socks. I believe you are the crazy one.
29) My prescription is called. Finally.

Welcome Home

...to our real live G.I. Joe.

We missed you!

Let's party!

Ego

Below are lyric's to Beyonce's song Ego....but somehow I get the feeling she is singing about something else:

It's too big, it's too wide
It's too strong, it won't fit
It's too much, it's too tough
He talk like this 'cause he can back it up

He got a big ego, such a huge ego
I love his big ego, it's too much
He walk like this 'cause he can back it up

Horses

I love little kids.... in fact, I hope to become a teacher when I grow up. If you ask any parent out there, guaranteed, they will tell you that part of having children is definitely for their entertainment value. Parents will feed their kids lemons and limes for hours on end just to see sour faces. Or when babies cry, parents will just laugh and laugh, because... well, they can. But nothing makes people laugh more than the stories and artwork children bring home from school.

Below you will read a story written by a little boy. And like many kids would whine when they find their precious school work thrown away... "But das not twash, mommy"... the following story is defintely not trash. In fact, it should be kept for ages and ages, as it speaks volumes of truth...

And without further ado... I present you with... "Horses. "

Table for Two

My brother recently found this picture of Michelle with the love of her life (and mine... and the rest of 1801 N. Adams), Sophia Loren, and dubbed it the "Best Michelle Face, ever."

I love this picture of Michelle. And of Sophia. HOWEVER, I think the following picture documents the "Best Michelle Face" to date. Judge for yourselves.

Now, when I told Michelle that I felt this was her best face to date, she replied with the best line ever... and I quote....

"I was so excited.... like, Jessie Spano excited!"

Speaking of this photo (thanks Freel for finding it), I would like to point out that we are all a hot mess. I, for one, look like I don't belong in the group but am trying to jump in the picture... a la "that guy." Ok, Ok... so it's just Michelle and I that look a hot mess.

A New Resolution...

Every year brings a new sense of false hope and unrealistic self-improvement. Personally, I've never managed to honor my new year's resolutions, but as 2009 was fast approaching, I made my wishlist, that for the first time in 26 years, I plan to stick to:

• break a sweat in a 5k race
• finish my master's degree
• skydive
• learn to whisper
• win the espn "streak for cash"

I thought my list was final, until about 2 hours into January 1st, when I added "never peeing on a nintendo game system" to the list.

I've been witness, and also guilty of some bad drunk decisions (i.e. sprinting home after throwing up in Silver Diner with chicken fingers and honey mustard flying). HOWEVER, never in my life did I expect to see what I did on New Year's. After a pretty low-key night of the typical pregame and walk to Four Courts, we came back after our $20 complimentary champagne toast for continued drinking and grilled cheese sammiches. As everyone was getting ready for bed and starting to pass out on couches, we noticed a girl, who had tagged along with one of our friends for the night, was in the living room and pulled down her pants. We assumed she was changing for bed until it happened...she popped a squat and began to pee...on the floor...in the living room...soaking a sega genesis, super nintendo and nintendo. Fortunately, she managed to make it to the bathroom to throw up. Apparently she only needs a toilet for that.

Fight Club

Shea's Birthday Party
The Park on Fourteenth
Approx. 12:45 am

Preface:
Several of Shea's friends came up for the big birthday bash. Pregame consisted of Civil War, shots of Firefly and asshole - pretty much anything that included drinking heavily as the $9 dollar beers and $15 dollar mixed drinks at The Park were not an option to many. There happened to be a little asian boy (I don't remember his name... nor do I really care) who drank more than his little body could handle.

So here's the story...
Michelle, Kat and I were all sitting down at the table. All of the bottles of liquor had been consumed, but we sat there anyways nibbling on the cheese and cracker plate that came with table service. We were having a great time taking pictures and making fun of white girls dancing when out of nowhere came little asian boy. And, just like in the movies, the slow motion started... he starting to wobble... and then he stumbled right into the table, knocking the GIANT bucket of ice, water, empty liquor bottles, and the half drunk glasses all over the three of us. We all looked at each other... looked at little asian boy... look at our soaked outfits... and without saying anything, jumped up and started charging after him.

We started yelling at him: "F*** you" "You need to leave!" "F*ck this, F*ck that"
The little asian boy was too drunk to even realize that he had done. The entire party was trying to hold the three of us back as we were still charging after this boy and yelling. And that's when the bouncers stepped in. I pointed to the little asian boy and I told the bouncer that he needed to go or else he'll get his ass kicked by a bunch of girls. And Michelle was being held back by her BF. And Kat started cussing at the bouncer telling him that the little asian boy was way too drunk and that she was going to punch him in the face. So he got thrown out.

Shea was pissed off, the three of us look like we'd been pisssed on, and our night was pretty much ruined. Michelle's underwear was completely wet, my jeans were wet, and Kat's cream dress was completely see-thru. Trying to smooth things over, Michelle and I were explaininh to Shea what had happened when I turned around and saw Kat running away. Thinking she was kicked out, I grab Michelle and told her we were leaving. We ended up walking out only to find little asian boy still wobbling, trying to call his friends (none of whom answered) with no sign of Kat.

I called Kat on her cell where she proceded to tell me that after she finds Kristi she was going to go back in and punch Shea in the face and then find little asian boy and punch him in the face, stating "No one f**ks with my family!" I was sure I was going to get a phone call from the police that night.

Not wanting our entire night to be ruined, Michelle and I cabbed home and drunk texted while waiting for cheese fries at SD.

Why I'm Single.

Marilyn and I went to visit RamRod at UJs one Friday night to have a drink. One drink turned into 6 and the next thing we know, we're standing in the middle of the dance floor watching white girls try to drop it like it was hot. Not a pretty picture. It was only 11:15 when we decided to head home... damn. Old asses.

We parted ways at the Ballston metro - her going towards East Falls Church, me going towards Clarendon. As I'm sitting on the bench next to a couple who couldn't keep their hands off of each other, a group of guys approached me and asked me to take their picture. The one that handed me the camera was, from what I could tell, very attractive. Pretending that I was somewhat camera illiterate, I carefully zoomed in onto the boy and realized that he was, in fact, VERY attractive. After casual converstaion and the exchanging of numbers, I walked to 7-11 and grabbed a Gatorade (yes, JUST a gatorade).

Here's the run down:
5'7'' ( too short)
athletic build
milk chocolate skin
grey eyes
straight white teeth
smelled like heaven
major bling in both ears
name = Terrell

He finally texted me while I was in SanFran. Pet peeve #1. If you want to get to know a girl, call them, don't text.
First line of the text: Hey Sweetheart, it's Terrell.
Pet peeve #2. Guys that call random girls sweetheart. Don't do it.
This guy was over before he had even started. But, being high off of the SanFran salty air, I politely told him I would call him when I can home... in a week.

I never called. But he did... well, he texted. And I was at work and completely bored, so I humored him in a witty banter.

Here's some more about him:
He was 23 (ugh, too young).
He lived in Hoodbridge.
With his parents.
Part-time bagged groceries at the commissary (pretty lucrative actually)
Called me a cougar when he found out I was 27.

And then... just as I think it couldn't get any worse:

Terrell: So, do you have any kids?
Me: No. Do you?
Terrell: I may or may not. You can never be too sure with these skanky girls nowadays.

Click.

We're a little late on the "New Year" thing...

New Year = New blog.
We should mention that it's a blog on everyday life... not like the last one, unfortunately.
But, it'll be just as entertaining, we can guarantee you that much.
So sit back and enjoy.